I Savaged the #CEOSleepout in 2017 and I’m Not Sorry Today. Here’s Why.

Last year I was the only journalist who dared to unequivocally criticise the performative nature of the #CEOSleepout event.

It wasn’t long after I hit “Publish” on “The CEO Pikeout: How the Rich & Powerful Do Charity” that the CEOs started to respond. They said my words will stop people supporting the event and ultimately I’m HURTING homeless people. They asked what I was doing to help? They called me an attention seeker and said I slandered their good deeds just to make a name for myself.

My writing was a thorn unexpectedly and unrepentantly wedged deep into the sides of people who thought they were doing the right thing. Read more

Steven

gonzo journalism l

An uneasy feeling crept into my gut the moment I laid eyes on him. The meth-induced yellow tinge of his plaque-encrusted smile, the wet gangrenous look of his sandalled feet, the dart of his beady eyes, they all urged me to be certain I was never left alone with Steven. Read more

We Need To Take Flat Earthers Seriously, Here’s Why (FEIC17 Part 2)

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My mission is not to ridicule flat-earthers – CNN, Vice, and anyone with a 7th-grade education and an internet connection have flogged that horse way past its death.

No, when I first emailed FEIC conference organiser Robbie Davidson, I just wanted to understand this logic-defying movement.

But, the more I questioned the multifarious band of self-proclaimed conspiracy theorists that represent “flat earth theory”, the more I found myself trying to devise my own conspiracy as to how this obviously flawed ideology could flourish in the information age.

There is no accepted model of what the flat earth is – some say our planet is enclosed by a giant dome, others believe a giant ice wall lines the earth’s edges.

Flat-earthers have no leader, although a select few money hungry YouTubers vie daily for their clicks.

And, as far as I can tell, aside from believing that the earth is flat, there is no underlying ideology that binds believers together. Some flat-earthers are Wiccan vegan feminists, some are gun-toting libertarians, and more than a few are “the end is nigh” Christian proselytizers.

I’m not going to try and explain who flat-earthers are, what they believe, or when the movement started to really gather steam.

I’m going to explain why they even exist. Read more

I Feel Violated: Flat Earth International Conference Part 1

“Repent Or Perish! Trust Jesus!”

“Naysayers Make Us Stronger!”

“FLAT EARTH: It’s easier to fool people than to convince them. THEY HAVE BEEN FOOLED.”

“LIARS: Faking Space Since 1958 – Research Flat Earth”

The fanatical messages proudly plastered across parked cars and the anti-science t-shirts donned by the crowd gathering at the Emporium Suites hotel on the 6th of November were extreme, even by North Carolinian standards.

They did, however, confirm that after 30 hours and 15,000 kilometres of travel I had finally made it to the curious event I’d been ruminating over for the last 6 months: The 2017 Flat Earth International Conference. Read more

Millennial Buys* First Home Using Unpaid Internship Exposure

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Jesús Whept, a 26-year-old graphic designer from Sydney, has become the poster child for the unpaid intern revolution after purchasing his first property with the help of the Credit Union for Non-paid Trainees with Experience & Exposure.

“My journey towards home ownership first started while I was trawling Pedestrian.tv for job opportunities and I spotted an ad for a ‘marketing superstar’,” Jesús told the Underground Observer. Read more

Get LAID Using These 4 Foolproof Tinder Conversation Starters

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When it comes to Tinder (and everything else in this anti-men cultural economy am I right?) women have the upper hand.

Males: you may not realise it, but your opening line on Tinder WILL determine whether you’re going to spend the next 3-6 minutes engaged in passionate lovemaking with a complete stranger or trawling #incel threads on Reddit while giving yourself a “stranger”.

Don’t worry though lads, I’m here to ensure eligible bachelors of the 21st century such as yourselves get some well-deserved action between the sheets.

Just follow this simple guide and you’ll be wooing the pants off literally every match you make on the world’s #1 dating app! Read more

The CEO Pikeout: How The Rich & Powerful Do Charity

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Spiderman onesies, Adidas tracksuits paired with Cartier watches, tailor-made suits with folded silk pocket squares and shiny brown leather shoes – these, coupled with promotional beanies, are the outfits of choice for the middle-aged men sauntering around the park tonight.

Youths in hi-vis wander about with clipboards and flattened cardboard boxes. ’Love Shack’, ‘Two Princes’, ’Beat It’ and other obnoxiously peppy, kitsch hits mix with the constant rattle of traffic from the bridge above.

There’s a coffee cart, two tables brimming with blue gift bags, a pop-up store named “Contraband”, twelve art works, four projectors, two hundred seats and three lone port-a-loos – all encircled by a temporarily erected fence guarded by no less than six security guards and volunteers.

Tonight is no ordinary night under Brisbane’s Story Bridge. 

Tonight it’s the St Vinnies CEO Sleepout – an event where the top 1% subject themselves to contrived homelessness in the name of charity for a night. And it’s really quite bizarre.

Read more

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