A Morning With Special K

Table 12. I am back where I was 12 hours ago. “It’s like you never left,” jokes Gerard, my charismatically cynical floor manager. I glance across the table. Holy shit. He’s still here. 

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An uneasy feeling crept into my gut the moment I laid eyes on him. The meth-induced yellow tinge of his plaque-encrusted smile, the wet gangrenous look of his sandalled feet, the dart of his beady eyes, they all urged me to be certain I was never left alone with Steven.

flat earther mark sargent

We Need To Take Flat Earthers Seriously, Here’s Why (FEIC17 Part 2)

My mission is not to ridicule flat-earthers – CNN, Vice, and anyone with a 7th-grade education and an internet connection have flogged that horse way past its death. No, when I first emailed FEIC conference organiser Robbie Davidson, I just wanted to understand this logic-defying movement. But, the more I questioned the multifarious band of ...

I Feel Violated: Flat Earth International Conference Part 1

“Repent Or Perish! Trust Jesus!” “Naysayers Make Us Stronger!” “FLAT EARTH: It’s easier to fool people than to convince them. THEY HAVE BEEN FOOLED.” “LIARS: Faking Space Since 1958 – Research Flat Earth” The fanatical messages proudly plastered across parked cars and the anti-science t-shirts donned by the crowd gathering at the Emporium Suites hotel ...

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Millennial Buys* First Home Using Unpaid Internship Exposure

Jesús Whept, a 26-year-old graphic designer from Sydney, has become the poster child for the unpaid intern revolution after purchasing his first property with the help of the Credit Union for Non-paid Trainees with Experience & Exposure. “My journey towards home ownership first started while I was trawling Pedestrian.tv for job opportunities and I spotted ...

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Get LAID Using These 4 Foolproof Tinder Conversation Starters

When it comes to Tinder (and everything else in this anti-men cultural economy am I right?) women have the upper hand. Males: you may not realise it, but your opening line on Tinder WILL determine whether you’re going to spend the next 3-6 minutes engaged in passionate lovemaking with a complete stranger or trawling #incel ...

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The CEO Pikeout: How The Rich & Powerful Do Charity

Spiderman onesies, Adidas tracksuits paired with Cartier watches, tailor-made suits with folded silk pocket squares and shiny brown leather shoes – these, coupled with promotional beanies, are the outfits of choice for the middle-aged men sauntering around the park tonight. Youths in hi-vis wander about with clipboards and flattened cardboard boxes. ’Love Shack’, ‘Two Princes’, ’Beat ...

NSW Premier Implements Fake F6 Scheme, Reveals Secret LNP “Too-Hard Basket”

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull is calling for NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian to step down after she publicly revealed the existence of a secretive “too-hard basket” brimming with unpopular LNP policies designed to distract the public while the party pushes other, slightly less reprehensible legislation through parliament.

ibis bin chicken dump rat australia

Australia Raises Bin Chicken Army To Fight ISIS

The Australian government is raising an ibis army to fight ISIS, the likes of which has been described by Defence Minister Marise Payne as “terrifying in its magnitude and unmatched in its scumminess”.

​2017 Federal Budget Success: Wealthy Addicts Reform En Masse, Swap Heroin for Yoga

A series of well-thought-out welfare reforms in the 2017 Federal Budget has triggered a wave of repentance amongst heroin users now motivated to kick the habit once and for all. “Sure, doctors have told me if I stop taking heroin I will die but if I stop getting welfare I can’t afford to live. So, ...

Groundbreaking Study Confirms Property Developers Aren’t Evil, Just Dumb

Scientists have found that property developer’s complete lack of formal education - not the unbridled greed of this handful of real-life Scrooge McDucks - is to blame for the thousands of ill-conceived property developments cropping up around Australia.

Media CEOs Sacrifice Editorial Jobs for Horcruxes: Gain Immortality, Lose Souls

A leak from the boardroom of Fairfax Media has revealed that beleaguered CEO Greg Hywood was granted a $2.5 million share bonus last year for cosmetic surgery to restore his human appearance following the successful creation of a series of horcruxes.

Dear Muslims & One Nation Supporters: Racism is NOT Our Biggest Issue

Reprehensible as this language is, for those who want to understand or counter the rise of the far right in Australia, it is not enough to simply dismiss this rhetoric as unacceptable hate speech and blindly hope shunning the speakers will fix the problem.

entrepreneur startup

Do You Even #Entrepreneur? A Beginner’s Guide to Flaunting Your Success

Are you a #Entrepreneur, struggling to get the brand recognition you and your fledgeling startup (which is definitely somehow more prestigious than a regular “small business”) deserve? Do you like awake at night, wondering how many more eBooks you’ll have to get some guy in the Philippines to write before you’re finally recognised as the ...

Rapists, Tomatoes & The Importance of Booking Ahead

“This, uh, isn’t really a town. I don’t know… I don’t live here.” he added, looking up from the computer and handing me my room key.

5 Ways Share Rooming is Pretty Much Like Prison

There are a lot of things I can justify spending $300/week on – hell, I could take up a serious drug addiction with that kind of money – so as you can imagine, renting a single room in Sydney isn’t one of them. Which is why thrifty me opted to share a two bedroom apartment ...

Hack the Power Back

Written for & originally published in Dreamland Magazine, Edition 2. “You have nowhere to hide. We are everywhere… For the good of your followers, for the good of mankind, for our own enjoyment, we will proceed to expel you from the internet,” Anonymous announced to the Church of Scientology, via YouTube, in 2008.

I’m Going to See Who’s Following Me.

Adenture: It’s the feeling of driving out of a place you’ve never been to before, towards a destination you haven’t decided on yet. It’s having no one to see and no particular time to be wherever it is your going – you’re just down for whatever. That’s the feeling, and it’s good. Intoxicatingly good… especially ...

They Don’t Want to Know You in Salt Lake City

No one will go hungry in Salt Lake City, yet this opulent city has missed the mark on a much more troubling level...

Ping Pong, Smack & Crack in “America’s Safest City”

“I mean, me and my dad have a pretty good relationship. He trusts me a lot… I don’t know why,” he smirked. Neither did I.

The Day I Met Anthony Kiedis

I  was 22 and I was a lone traveler driving a Dodge Caravan that had survived 14 years on this earth before it encountered me. That day I was with a guy I’d met on Santa Monica Boulevard a week or two before. He’d made “The Whip” the permanent home of his surf board just a few ...

The 17 Guys On Tinder (with evidence)

Yes, there are in fact only 17 types of guys on Tinder – each with their own unique set of frequently off-putting, generally hilarious and sometimes charming qualities. From bare bums and pubes, to ISIS wannabes, to the guy posing beside his nanna whose bio expresses his desire to “turn you inside out and lick ...

Le Palais De Rat: The Cheapest Hostel in Sydney

Outside the strip joints you’ll find slick, stone-faced business men in navy suits and shiny sunglasses brushing past scaly, Kmart-clad sex workers. Duck inside and you’ll see a stream of Sydney’s beautiful (or at least passable) girls and boys writhing and smiling on the laps of frivolous men. A surplus of crumpled betting slips, free ...

5 Times it’s OK To Judge at a Festival

The magic of the outdoor festival lies not just in gathering as a tribe to collectively bust a move to psychedelic tunes you can’t find anywhere else; it’s in the freedom discovered under a gum tree a million miles from the pesky world (with it’s laws and bills and deadlines).

12 Tips for Livin’ that Van Life

Whether you’re a road trip virgin with big dreams for your beat up mini van, or you’re a bona fide enthusiast with a garage full of classic VWs to prove it, follow my guide and you’ll avoid the common pitfalls of living that van life: Towing, theft and and terrible sleep, just to name a few!

Lysergic Acid Diethylamide

Her psychosis was so  drawn out  it had taken on an invisible quality – a deceptive, deathly subtlety.

4 Rookie Errors Every Unorganised Traveler Makes

You, rookie traveller, may be able to skate by carefree and unburdened by the hassles of “organisation” and “responsibility” in your natural environment. However, once you step foot off that plane, it’s a whole new ball game. Follow my handy guide to keeping a clear distinction between “traveller” and “itinerant, dishevelled individual last spotted wandering train ...

7 Tips for Surviving Epic Flights

Plane hijackings, engine failures, dropping out of the sky for no apparent reason… these scenarios are probably not going to unfold on your dreaded international flight. Screaming babies, jerks who don’t understand seat reclining etiquette, and sleeping pill misadventures – these are the things you’ve got to look out for. Follow my guide to surviving international ...

8 Steps to An Unforgettable Day in Austin (World Hipster Capital)

Funky, bohemian, arty, fresh… these are not usually words that come to mind when you think of Texas. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Texas is home to Austin: the unashamed hipster capital of the world. Even if you don’t like hipsters, you’re going to fall in love with Austin.

Existential Crisis at The Transit Centre

It’s a seedy morning at the transit centre. For as long as I can remember Roma Street Transit Centre has had these mirrors all around the escalator,  casting vicious reflective judgement upon you as you make your way, tired and desperate,  up to the inevitable McDonalds lunch that awaits.

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