Category Archives: Comedy

News Headline Actually Conveys Point of The Article

A schnews.com.au journalist has been sacked following the unauthorised publication of several headlines that actually described the subject matter of their corresponding articles.

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Millennial Buys* First Home Using Unpaid Internship Exposure

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Jesús Whept, a 26-year-old graphic designer from Sydney, has become the poster child for the unpaid intern revolution after purchasing his first property with the help of the Credit Union for Non-paid Trainees with Experience & Exposure.

“My journey towards home ownership first started while I was trawling Pedestrian.tv for job opportunities and I spotted an ad for a ‘marketing superstar’,” Jesús told the Underground Observer. Read more

Get LAID Using These 4 Foolproof Tinder Conversation Starters

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When it comes to Tinder (and everything else in this anti-men cultural economy am I right?) women have the upper hand.

Males: you may not realise it, but your opening line on Tinder WILL determine whether you’re going to spend the next 3-6 minutes engaged in passionate lovemaking with a complete stranger or trawling #incel threads on Reddit while giving yourself a “stranger”.

Don’t worry though lads, I’m here to ensure eligible bachelors of the 21st century such as yourselves get some well-deserved action between the sheets.

Just follow this simple guide and you’ll be wooing the pants off literally every match you make on the world’s #1 dating app! Read more

Australia Raises Bin Chicken Army To Fight ISIS

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The Australian government is raising an ibis army to fight ISIS, the likes of which has been described by Defence Minister Marise Payne as “terrifying in its magnitude and unmatched in its scumminess”.

“We, as a country, are in a unique position to help global security. These birds are equipped with natural bin juice detectors, and will thus be able to zero in on the human garbage that is ISIS and swiftly eradicate it,” Minister Payne told The Underground Observer today. Read more

Budget Triggers Mass Heroin Addicts Reform

A series of well-thought-out welfare reforms in the 2017 Federal Budget has triggered a wave of repentance amongst heroin users now motivated to kick the habit once and for all.

“Sure, doctors have told me if I stop taking heroin I will die but if I stop getting welfare I can’t afford to live. So, I’ve decided to just take up yoga and hope for the best,” one user told The Underground Observer today in a candid interview. Read more

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